China Medical Exam!

The last round of appointments were in Guangzhou China, about a 3 hour flight from Lanzhou. Guangzhou is in Southern China, and the climate is similar to Florida, so we were really glad to get there, and ditch all of our eskimo gear! Guangzhou is a big city, and much more diverse, than Lanzhou.
Our hotel was fabulous! Our accommodations in Gansu province were rough. But, not the case at the Guangzhou Marriott! We had a beautiful room, and for the 1st time in our trip, a shower where the water actually got hot, and a toilet that didn't have a gross smell. The breakfast buffet was amazing, and in the hotel many of the staff spoke English.

Being in Guangzhou felt like a vacation complete with lots of adventure! I will share those adventures later, and let me tell you THERE ARE STORIES!

On our first full day in Guangzhou, we had to go for Adalynn's embassy medical exam. Everyone adopting from any province in China ends up here. I bet there were 100 kids being adopted, most staying in our hotel. Some of this busy day seems like a blur now, I couldn't tell you what the building looked like on the outside, but, it was pretty impressive inside. The part that really gets me, is just how emotional this day was for everyone. To look around at all of these families who were adopting, and all of these precious children. Some were babies, some were older kids. Some had mild needs and some with very severe needs. We saw kids with Downs Syndrome, kids missing appendages, a couple kids that were missing their ears, many with unrepaired cleft lip, which admittedly can be a little shocking if you haven't seen it before. There was one little girl who had her feet strapped to some sort of board. There was a little girl about 8 who had one leg and foot that was only about 6" from her hip the other leg was normal but, when she would walk she would have to squat down and walk in an almost seated position to accommodate both legs, but, when she would stand she would be regular height as she would stand on her "normal" leg, I can't help but, think what American orthopedics can offer her, and the wonderful improvements to her life and mobility that will take place with her new family.

You can imagine with 100 kids, and families to match, just how loud and hectic it was. Many of the families were not American, so we heard many languages in the noise. Mandarin, French, German, Spanish, English, and at the same time in the same space. There were parents trying to calm there new children, and some families devastated to learn that the needs of their child were much more significant than they had planned. Babies and toddlers who were screaming, (none louder than mine though:) Older kids who just looked terrified. There were parents of all ethnicities, all different backgrounds. And everyone was here to make a home and family for an orphaned child. To say..LIFE MATTERS, wanted, unwanted, planned, unplanned, healthy and with "defects", here, there, anywhere, LIFE has worth and a purpose, and every child deserves the unconditional love of a family.

"I will not leave you as orphans..I will come to you." John 14:18
This medical appointment for me was probably the clearest and purist time I have seen this verse demonstrated. It was the perfect illustration, of God's redeeming love and the way He adopts each and everyone of us, "defects and all."

 For your viewing enjoyment, our Adalynn and her dislike of everything, and everyone other than her daddy!

 At the appointments, they took her weight and height, we saw a ENT doctor a general doctor and a surgeon for the kids who had done or needed surgery. I am pretty sure this was just a formality to make sure the kids didn't have any communicable diseases before there Visas were issued, as the appoitments were not very thorough. The doctors and nurses spoke little to no English. Matt had tried to ask about a strange rash that Adalynn had, but, I told him to give up, we would deal with it when we got home. She was OURS rash and all!

 Teri playing "Peek" with little Samuel. In Mandarin "BOO" means NO. So Peek-a boo, just becomes Peak!:)

 3 boys getting their new sister! Wow! Little Jasmine is in for an adventure!

 More confirmation! If you want to know the significance that Mickey Mouse is to our family, you can read back to my blog post entitled, "Mickey Mouse Confirmation."

 Bless Shari! I am sure she is trying to communicate the word, "behave" to little Hannah, and Hannah is probably replying in Mandarin "Beeyet" which means "I don't want to" one of her favorite phrases, that had the rest of our group laughing all of the time..not so funny for poor Shari!

 Yes, this picture is on her visa! I will have to post the close up version later, it is hillarious, and so typical of those 1st weeks with Adalynn!

 Finally, over..for this day!

Thank You!

It has come to my attention that I have not publicly acknowledged how thankful and grateful I have been for all of the care and concern for our family both while we were China and when we returned home. I meant to say it more, but, then I got busy, I got tired, I got LAZY! Please forgive me!

Thank you. It took a village to bring this little girl home while leaving our 3 other children behind. You know who you are!  Thank you for bringing my kids home from school, for taking them to Bible quizzing, for bringing a meal, for dropping off freezer meals. Thank you for providing the extra care and concern the kids required. Thank you for the prayers and the encouragement throughout this journey. Thank you to the great babysitters we had stay at our house. Thank you to whoever cleaned my oven!!! You remain an anonymous angel from heaven! Thank you for following my crazy schedules and my crazy lists. Thank you to Matt's partner and co-workers that held it all together at work and made it possible for him to be gone so long!

Thanks to Terri and Cindy for the excellent care they provided while we were in China. Yes, while we were on a 2 week vacation THEY held it all together...and for my brood that is no small task. They had the hard job. We are so grateful that they sacrificed their time and energy to invest in our family. They have jobs and families and yet, pushed it all aside to take on this huge task! We are thankful that they were able and willing to accommodate changing cricumstances when things did not go as planned. Thankful that they took off work and made arrangements for everything to run smoothly. Thanks that we felt so comfortable in China and our worries were little since we knew they had it all under control. They deserve praise and recognition.

Thanks to Brooke for posting to my blog after I got "shut down" in China for the "Jesus Reigns" post. Thanks to Brooke for planning a great homecoming. Thanks for getting so many together to make posters. Thanks to all of the people from our Sunday School for writing encouragement on those banners. We will treasure them!

Thanks for the many tasks and many ways that you all encouraged and supported our family! 

Thank you to all who came to our Homecoming at the airport. We were weary, we were tired, and you blessed us! We felt loved and encouraged!

We are so thankful for each and every one of you!

Worth It.

The mommy / Adalynn relationship.

I wasn't sure that I would post about this, and if I did I could take it in many directions. I could talk about the importance of attachment in adoption, I could talk about how different it is to parent adopted kids,how much more intentional we have to be. How sometimes we have to change what we have been doing, and how sometimes that can be confusing and irritating to people. Even if others question my motives, even if my feelings are hurt. Adalynn is worth it.

I believe that God is using this season to teach me. I love analogies and this is about the realest one I have ever had.  I have no doubt that God used Adalynn's rejection of me in China to help others. I believe I dealt with it ok. This isn't our 1st adoption, and the one things I do know about adoption is to have no expectations.

While I was pursuing our daughter and waiting for her..she wasn't waiting for us. She liked her life just the way it was. It was fine she was happy and content. While we offered a permanent solution to her temporary situation, she didn't know that, she didn't know that the foster family she was in was not forever. She was comfortable. Sometimes I am like that, I forget this world is temporary. I forget that God offers permanency and an eternal home. That HIS solution to my problems is forever, it is complete. While God pursues me, sometimes I don't want to be pursued.

I have tried to get my mind around why exactly, she rejected me. I don't know if it is because I took her away from the nanny, or if I looked too different. I don't know if it is something I did, but, I guess I represented everything that was changing in her life. Eli was a "mommy shopper" I was ok..but, the next female would be just as good, probably better. Not the case with Adalynn she was and is a "mommy rejector."She would push me away, scream if I touched her, hide her eyes if I would look at her, bite my finger if I got to close while feeding her. Hum...dare I say, (figuratively speaking) I have probably been guilty of this with God before.

Adalynn is a "baby with baggage" and I am not talking about just a backpack..this little sweetie packed it on..like 4 suitcases, and 2 carry-ons worth of baggage in her short life. But, you know what? She is just like me, she is just like most of us. We come with baggage. Maybe it is from childhood, maybe it's from our circumstances, maybe a result of some bad choices. Baggage..stuff..that effects the way we see our world, the way we deal with people, and our relationship with God. I am flawed, I am faulty. Yet, I am worth it, YOU are worth it, to God.

I remember at the end of our China trip, I asked Matt, "this can't last forever?" He says.."Well, it is day 11." That was it for me, 11 days..I allowed this for 11 days, yes she was a broken baby, yes, she was grieving..but enough was enough. Rejection or not, this is MY child. I strapped her in the baby carrier and she screamed and screamed, until she fell asleep and then when she woke up she screamed some more. She was worth it. Our relationship is worth it. The stares I got, for not being able to calm my baby, the rejection I felt, the fighting I endured. In the scope of life, in this temporary discomfort, she is worth it.

Progress for our relationship has been slow. Her love for me remains "lukewarm." But, we are making great strides. I have adored and loved THIS girl since the moment I laid eyes on her. Love can come, because for now I have enough love for her to cover us both. She is worth it.

When we first got home she began to tolerate me..if I was the only one around. I was good enough to change her diaper, to feed her, if she wanted something  she would come to me. If we were out in public, (without Matt) I would be good enough to comfort her if she was nervous or scared. Her "tolerance" was conditional, as long as I was doing something for her, as long as she needed something from me I was good enough. Ahhh, conditional love. Am I guilty?..Yes. . Do I pray more when I need something, want something or have found myself in a difficult situation? Ouch. Ok, I get it. Yes, that's me.

I will say that now we are in a good place. While I am still not her favorite, if you see us at church or out as a family, you will hear her screams if I take her away from Daddy. All proof that as far as we have come we have a long way to go. But, I will pursue her, I will love her, I will cherish her. I will remember that I am just like her. Despite it all, HE says I am worth it, YOU are worth it, WE are all worth it, no mater what we have done, where we have been. I will jump for joy the day my Adalynn CHOOSES ME,  the day that she accepts me as "Mama," but, until then I know that the road..all of it.. has been worth it. That Adalynn has been choosen by us, and that we have been choosen by God.

 Love at First sight..not always true in adoption. But, this time it was for me. Unfortunately, not true for Adalynn:)

 We spent weeks with this reaction every time I would hold her. But, this photo is fear, and grief at it's worse.

 No she didn't calm down..just would occasionally need to "reload."

 The day I decided. It was done.

The bow hides her expression well.

Cried or should I say screamed herself to sleep.

 I think she is warming up. Yea, right!

 Oh this was great! Here I am trying to calm her with snacks but, she is so upset she can't get them in her mouth. Up walks this important monk along with her followers, and prays over her and puts Buddhist prayer beads on her and on us..and on everyone sitting anywhere near us. They do this for good luck, and a blessing. She was sincere and compassionate...but, oh how it breaks my heart, to know that she worships a false god, how the prayers and the blessing are in vain.

                                        For then, for now, for forever..SHE IS WORTH IT!!

Squatty Potty

Ok..here it is the infamous Squatty potty, that they are so proud of in China! This is actually a really nice one as this was in the airport!

We actually saw new ones for sale all over, it is a popular thing. In fact, we are told that the Chinese think squatty potties are more sanitary. Even if a "western toilet" is offered, woman will line up to use the squatty potty while the western toilet sits empty. LOL!

And, yes, it takes technique..one I did not master. But, it appears that the Chinese woman don't really have it down either. Notice the sign, that hangs on the door in front of the potty. Yes, the floor is wet..like really, really wet. YUK! The first time I came out, one of our travel companions pointed out that my pant legs were wet. From then on I rolled them up, before entering the notorious squatty potty stall.

Oh yea, and notice the trash beside, that is toilet paper, as you can't put that in the potty. So much for sanitary. And, if you don't take your own toilet tissue, you are simply out of luck.

More from Lanzhou

Our daughter was born in Gansu Province, in the city of Wu Wei, but, we picked her up in Lanzhou. However, our guide told us that by her appearance, she was not "local." Meaning she was from a different area in China. He said her mother muct have orginally been from Sichuan, an area that is famous for beautiful women. I guess most Chinese models come from this area, and have a distinctive look, and our little Adalynn has that look, with her big eyes, and delicate features.

While Lanzhou was a big city, it was more remote than the other cities we experienced in China. I am pretty sure that they don't see Americans very often and very little English is spoken. The hotel here was also a little "rougher" than what we had elsewhere. I think they omitted the mattress in our room, as what we were sleeping on must have been just the box spring. It was literally hard as a rock. And the smoking! It was terrible, in China most all of the men smoke. We learned later that a "non smoking" floor in a hotel, means that smoking is optional...making for a pretty unpleasant experience. Also, Lanzhou, is ranked as the most polluted city im China, and China as a whole is very polluted. That is one of the reasons factories want to move there, because there are virtually no regulations. You will see lots of people in the photos wearing face masks.

We were so blessed to be with other adventurous travelers, Dan and Terri, and the 4 of us with our babies dragged sweet Shari and her daughter Hannah with us everywhere too. I hope that she enjoyed it as much as we did. We also had the opportunity to share many of our experiences in Gansu with Amber and Jesse, and their crew. (When we were with Amber and Jesse, we didn't get into any trouble, as they are experienced in Chinese Culture.)

We would go out and and walk and walk and walk some more. We ate where the locals ate, we shopped where the people shopped. And we got in lots of trouble, with our Mandarin or lack there of:)  One night we went to what must have been a fancy restuarant and we made a complete mess out of it! Again they put us in a little room, and closed the door. It was hillarious as we pointed to the pictures on the menu and tried to order. We were laughing, the Chinese servers were laughing. The lack of ability to communicate was just hillarious. When they brought our food, it was cold...cold meat, and I use the term "meat" lightly, I know some of it was pigeon and I am sure there were worse things than that. In another country it is safe to eat about any kind of meat..as long as it is cooked and hot. We ate a lot of weird things, but, this just wasn't going to work. So the guys get out the handy dandy phrase book and asked for the food to be "hot." Well, they didn't understand because the food was "spicy." We tried charades, which never did get us very far, just try to show someone you want your food hot with hand motions. Finally, after scouring the Mandarin book, Dan came up with the word "microwave." We probably insulted them, but, they took our food away and it come back hot.

My favorite part of going to a new place is to see how the people live, really live. I don't want the tourist version. I want to take the dirt roads. I want to go to the real market. I want to ask people what they dream about. We have been a lot of places, and I have asked this question many times, whether it is a guide in Ethiopia, a Jamaican man taking us on a river raft tour, or farmer in the countryside or a college student in Beijing. We all have dreams. I have never heard anyone in a third world country say they dreamed of a big house, a fancy car or winning the lottery. I hear that they want to provide for their family, that they dream of having a job. Most often I have heard that they dream about coming to America. While we take traveling for granted..it is really hard for people in other countries to get a Visa for travel, in addition to the fact that it is way more money than they could afford. Almost everytime, when I ask them where they want to go in America, it is New York City or LA. It occurs to me that this is all they know of America, and they judge our whole country on these 2 big cities...2 cities that I have never even been to.

Though on this trip, we did not get to see the countryside like I had hoped, I think we still got a taste of the "Real China." On our last day in Lanzhou our guide, Steed, took us to a farm town. We saw the markets, and were invited into the simple home of a farmer. That was a highlight for us, as they showed us around their modest home with great pride. It was humbling and a true honor to be there.

The front enry of a home in the countryside.

 Walking up to the home we were invited into.

 This is the family who were so gracious to welcome us into their home. They were proud of their home, and we were blessed to spend a short amount of time with them.I don't think they ever have American visitors.

 They were working on a project..not sure what.

 This was used the day before to roast a while hog.

 No matter where we are, people enjoy pretty things. Design is not just for us spoiled Americans, here is a handpainted tile wall.

 The kitchen, inside the home. Yes, that is all of it. In China homes do not have ovens.

The master bedroom, and living room. Bed at night sofa during the day.

 
 The back yard.

Roadside market.

As in all third world countries, a dump, right in the city.

 Beautiful view of the Himalaya Mountains as we left Lanzhou..Of course, Matt was interested in the bridge too. And no, the picture isn't fuzzy it's the smog and pollution.